Lifestyle – As a good Muslim, of course, you must know how to choose the best future wife in an effort to build a family. In the month of Shawwal is the recommended month for marriage because in this month it is sunnah to marry as in the words of the Prophet SAW:

تَزَوَّجَنِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي شَوَّالٍ وَبَنَى بِي فِي شَوَّالٍ فَأَيُّ نِسَاءِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ كَانَ أَحْظَى عِنْدَهُ مِنِّي

Meaning: "The Prophet Muhammad SAW married me in the month of Shawwal and gathered with me in the month of Shawwal, so which of his wives is luckier than me?" (HR Muslim)

Not only stop there, it is also sunnah to have an intimate relationship with his wife after getting married in the month of Shawwal. This is because Rasulullah SAW had an intimate relationship with Sayyidah ‘Aisyah in the month of Syawal as written by Imam Baijuri in his book Hasyiyah Baijuri (Hasyiyah/2/172).

How To Choose The Best Prospective Wife

Illustration : How To Choose The Best Prospective Wife

Easy Instructions For Determining a Prospective Wife

Marriage worship is the longest worship in life, so it must be considered how to choose the best wife. The following is the best order and eight criteria that must be considered in choosing a wife including:

1. Religion

Choosing the main thing is to choose one who is of the same religion or faith, the intention is that he obeys all the Shari'ah and does not do evil even if it is other than adultery. This is because the Prophet SAW said:

تنكح المرأة لأربع لمالها و لحسابها و لجمالها و لدينها فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يدك (متفق عليه)

Meaning: "Women are married for four reasons, namely because of their offspring, because of their beauty, because of their wealth, and because of their religion, so marrying a religious person will surely be lucky for you". (Narrated by Bukhari Muslim)

2. Intelligence

As for how to choose the best future wife, it is sunnah to have an intelligent wife. Abu Musa Al-Madini in the book Tadyi` al-`Umri wa Al-Ayyam fi Istina` Al-Ma`ruf Ila Al-Li`am cites the hadith of the Prophet SAW, "So look where you put your child? Verily, the irq (part or vein in the body) is decreasing.”

The point is that all of the mother's temperament is passed down to the child she is carrying, including intelligence. The results of the study stated that the basis for the formation of a person's intelligence is influenced by three things, namely nutrition, stimulation and genetics or heredity.

Although it does not affect it completely, but many children are born intelligent from intelligent parents. "Mother's genes play more of a role in children's intelligence."

3. Morals

This means choose a woman who has good morals. Because Rasulullah SAW said:

إياكم و خضراء الدمن فقيل : يا رسول الله و ما خضراء الدمن ? قال (المرأة الحسناء في المنبت السوء) (رواه الدارقطني في الأفراد و الشهاب في المسند القضاعي)

Meaning: "Beware of khadra` ad-diman (a kind of plant that lives in a garbage dump)".

He was asked, "Is that O Messenger of Allah?". The apostle replied, "A beautiful woman from a bad family (morals)." Narrated: HR Al-Daruqutni, Al-`Askari, Ibn `Addi, Al-Quda`i, Al-Khatib, Al-Dailami from Abi Sa`id.

This is because a wife is expected to educate children with akhlakul karimah. How to educate well if his own morals are not good?

What is the best female character? Rasulullah SAW explained:

خير النساء التي اذا نظرت اليها سرتك و إذا أمرتها أطاعتك و اذا غبت عنها حفظتك في نفسها و مالك (رواه الطيالسي في المسند و الحاكم في المستدرك)

Meaning: "The best woman is, when you see her refreshing your heart, when ordering her to do something to obey you, and if when you are not by her side she will always guard your honor and guard your property." (Hadith Narrated: at-Thayalisi in al-Musnad and al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak)

4. Walud and Wadud

Walud means being fertile and being able to have many children, while wadud as quoted by Allamah Mufti Habib Muhammad bin Salim bin Hafidz in his book an-Nuqul as-Shihhah from Imam Ali Syibramalisy is his temperament that loves his husband very much. (an-Nuqul/16)

This is because the Prophet SAW said:

تزوجوا الولود الودود فإني مكاثر بكم الأمم يوم القيامة (رواه أبو داود و الحاكم و صححه)

Meaning: "Marry a woman who is fertile and loves her husband very much, then I am really proud of the number of my people on the Day of Judgment." (HR Abu Dawud and al-Hakim and he confirmed it)

The way to find out about the fertility of a prospective wife is to ask close relatives.

5. Lineage (Nasab)

As for the purpose of this lineage in choosing a wife, it is clear from whom and famous from the descendants of good people who do not have shame. The leading scholar Imam al-Ghazali in the book Ihya 'Ulumuddin interpreted her as a woman who came from a family of pious people.

Choosing the best wife because the lineage is guided by the Prophet SAW in his words:

تخيروا لنطفكم و انكحوا الأكفاء و انكحوا إليهم (رواه ابن ماجه و الحاكم)

Meaning: "Choose the best place to put your semen and marry good people and marry (your children) to them" (HR Ibn Majah and al-Hakim).

Therefore, it is unlawful to marry a daughter as a result of adultery or the lineage of a wicked person as quoted by Sheikh Abdullah Bamakhramah in his book "Misykatul Misbah". Imam Adzra'i added that it is makruh to marry a "child of discovery" whose lineage is unknown.

6. Prospective Wife Who Is Still a Virgin

It is sunnah to marry a prospective wife who is still a virgin because it is more important than a widow. This is because the Prophet SAW said:

هلا تزوجت بكرا تلاعبها و تلاعبك (متفق عليه)

Meaning: "Marry a virgin because you can play with her, and she can play with you" (Narrated by Bukhari-Muslim)

The prominent scholar Sheikh Muhammad bin Ali Ba'athiyah hafidzahullah in his book Zadul Labib mentions that there are three benefits of marrying a virgin, namely:

- Her love for her first husband,

- Mawaddah or affection is only for the first husband,

- That she will not miss except for her first husband.

7. Beauty Face

One of the considerations that must be considered in choosing a prospective wife is because the Prophet SAW said:

خير النساء التي اذا نظرت اليها سرتك و إذا أمرتها أطاعتك و اذا غبت عنها حفظتك في نفسها و مالك (رواه الطيالسي في المسند و الحاكم في المستدرك)

Meaning: "The best of women is when you see her refreshing your heart, when ordering her to do something obeys you, and if when you are not by her side she will always guard your honor and guard your property." (HR at-Thayalisi in al-Musnad and al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak)

Beauty is a relative matter and everyone can define the meaning of the word "beautiful" and therefore Imam Ibn Hajar al-Haitami said that what is meant by beauty here is according to his own judgment.

Unlike Imam Muhammad ar-Ramli, he interprets beauty here according to normal people in general because there must be clear benchmarks because beauty is a relative matter, so it is returned to the general habits of most people.

The best thing in choosing a prospective wife is proportional, therefore Seyyidi Sheikh said that marrying someone who is too beautiful is makruh. Because this is because it can cause arrogance of himself or himself to be a "spectacle" of men.

8. Kinship

The chapter on how to choose a future wife is sunnah to marry someone who is not related. Because Rasulullah SAW said:

غربوا بالنكاح فإنه أنجب للولد

Meaning: "Marry a foreigner, it will be easier to get offspring."

Sheikh Muhammad bin Ahmad Bafadhol in his book Majmu' fi Ahkami an-Nikah makes it clear what is meant by relatives here are close relatives. Because Rasulullah SAW married his daughter Sayyidah Fatimah to Sayyidina Ali bin Abi Talib who was a distant relative.

Therefore, the meaning of a close relative is a brother (sister/brother) of the father and mother who are in the same degree. In conclusion, marriage in this point is divided into three degrees:

a. Married to a distant relative

Namely choosing the most important prospective wife as exemplified by the Prophet Muhammad.

b. Married to someone who is not related

The priority is more than the third

c. Married to a close relative.

Then what if the virtues of several women conflict with each other, for example intelligent but relative, or beautiful but disobedient? Ibn Hajar al-Haitami in Tuhfah replied, if they contradict each other then choose (the higher up the more important).

This is the criteria for how to choose a good wife according to the guidance of the Prophet SAW. As a guide for young people who must immediately have a prospective wife to build and foster relationships in the household. So what do you think? *Jakfar Shodiq